


The Fear of Falling Apart

by Creazy



Category: Eyewitness
Genre: M/M, PTSD, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-03
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-28 19:43:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8460556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creazy/pseuds/Creazy
Summary: It's the day of the turkey hunt and they've rushed to save the poor birds, but they're too late. They hear the gunshots in the distance marking the start of the hunt, but for Lukas they're more than that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yo it's 3:30 am and I have work in the morning but YA KNOW. Sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes. Like I said, it's 3:30. ENJOY.

Despite their best efforts to save the birds they weren't able to get to them before the hunt. They stood at the cage clinging to the empty wire box. When they heard the first gunshot they knew it was too late.

They both have a slight flinch at the sound of the shot in the distance, but I wasn't until the next shot that Lukas really noticed. It sounded far closer than the first. As soon as the shot went off he panicked. Almost instantly he was back hidden in the closet of his father's cabin watching body after body drop to the ground. His heart was racing and he felt like he couldn't breathe. He was watching through the gaps in the door as the shirtless man inched closer to him. He saw the man look toward the bed and his heart stopped altogether. The man knew they were there.

He slowly leaned down to look under the bed and Lukas saw the pan. He didn't even know what he was doing at that point. He was no longer in control of his body. The man took aim at Philip under the bed and Lukas grabbed the pan.

He was too late though. He grabbed it and only hesitated for one moment, but that was all it took for the shot to go off. He watched the bullet leave the gun and he was stunned to silence. Philip was dead. The man then turned to him. He looked him right in the eyes. Lukas had the pan why couldn't he just do something. Just move! Anything! Just don't let him-

"Lukas! Come on. Hey! Look at me. Come on." He heard a familiar voice in the distance as everything started getting foggy for a second.

"Come on, Lukas. I need you to breathe. Deep breaths. Come on." Things we're starting to come into focus. He finally saw Philip and realized that he was now sat on the ground against the cage.

"It's my fault." He could hear himself mutter under his breath. "It's my fault."

"Hey, no it's not. It's not your fault. You can't take responsibility for everything." He could see Philip was kneeling down in front of him with a hand on his shoulder. Suddenly everything that was happening came rushing back to him.

He was sitting on the ground crying like some bitch. His father could come by at any minute. There were people around. He immediately began to panic again, but this time it wasn't about the gunshots.

"Get off!" He said louder than probably necessary as he shoved Philips hand off his shoulder.

Philip was stunned about the sudden change of attitude but backed away anyway. He was still very concerned, but right now wasn't the time to push for more information. He watched as Lukas stood up unsteadily and rubbed his shaky hands over his face to try to rid himself of evidence that he had been crying. It was obvious to Philip that Lukas was very far from okay. He was still shaking and he was sure that being out with the gunshots wasn't going to help anything.

"Why don't we go somewhere else?" Philip suggested hoping he could help Lukas by at least getting him away from everything else.

******

They got back to the house and Lukas sat down on his bed still very visibly shaken. Philip wasn't sure if he should leave or not. He didn't want to leave Lukas in a state like this but he also didn't want to make it worse. He decided to leave it up to him.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" He asked standing in the doorway to his room.

"No." Lukas answered almost before Philip could finish his sentence. "I mean. My dad's out helping with the hunt. If you want to stay you can." He added to try and rewind some of the desperation that was in his original statement. He didn't want to be alone right now.

Philip tried hard not to let his face show how pleased he was with his response. He slowly moved into the room and sat on the bed near Lukas. They sat in a comfortable silence for a minute or two before Lukas finally broke the barrier.

"Is it my fault?" He asked quietly.

Philip looked up from the point on the floor that he had been looking at to see Lukas trying his best not to make eye contact. He could see that his eyes were red again. He sighed before moving back on the bed so that he was leaning against the headboard.

"No. It's not." He said genuinely. He knew that Lukas was blaming himself for Tracy and Tommy's death, but he also knew that he was so scared. The poor kid was so scared and confused about everything in his life right now and Philip was the only one that knew that.

He grabbed his shirt sleeve. "Come here." He said as he pulled Lukas toward him. "It's not your fault."

Lukas was looking Philip in the eyes for the first time since the start of the conversation and that look made him feel so many feelings. He felt frustrated. He felt scared. But overall he felt safe.

"I can't stop thinking about it." He said.

"Thinking about what?" Philip questioned trying to figure out how to help the boy in front of him.

"The cabin. I just keep seeing him shoot all those people. Then he shoots you and turns toward me and I can't do anything about it because I'm too fucking scared and too weak and-" He feels the anger building inside of him. He's angry at himself. This is not how his life was supposed to work.

"Hey!" Philip cuts him off. "We got out. We're safe. Okay? We're safe." He put a hand to the face of the shaking boy who looked as though he was mere seconds from bursting into tears. "Come here." He said as he pulls the boy even closer. He wasn't sure what else to do. He wasn't even sure if Lukas would let him, but he didn't put up a fight. He just leaned in and accepted the hug.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." He said finding a comfortable position leaning against Philip on the bed.

"What wasn't?" He questioned.

Lukas thought about it for a moment. None of this was supposed to happen. He was supposed to be happy with Rose, Tommy and Tracy are supposed to be busy hooking up somewhere, and Philip was supposed to.... He wasn't sure what Philip was supposed to do. Out of all of the people in his life Philip is the only one who he has let see him at his lowest. He wasn't supposed to be weak like this.

"It's okay to be scared." Philip said after receiving no response.

Lukas immediately got defensive. "I'm not scared!" He wasn't weak. He wasn't scared. Except that he was. He was so scared and Philip knew that.

"Okay." He said trying to calm the tensions that had just risen.

There was another moment of silence between them before Lukas spoke again. He spoke so quietly he wasn't sure if anyone even heard him.

"I'm scared." He said.

Philip didn't say anything. He wasn't going to say it's going to be okay because he wasn't even sure of that himself. In fact he was scared too. The only thing he was sure of is that it's okay to be scared. They can get through it together. He pulled Lukas closer and kissed the top of his head. He wasn't sure how much longer they had until Lukas' dad would be back and he would be quickly ushered from the premises, but in that moment he really didn't care.


End file.
